News & Articles
MAY 7th Bulletin
'monkey magic'
Miguel Perrier has just completed the first
secret NLP training with "the chosen few". All proceeded
according to plan, although one attendee took offence at the
lact of tea and coffe breaks during the event, likening the
workshop to a boot camp. All delegates were sworn to never reveal
the contents of this event although inevitably one hapless member
has already spilled the beans during an especially riotus evening
in the city, proclaiming that Perrier truly is the actual incarnation
of Erickson and should be recognised accordingly.
APRIL 3rd ANNOUNCEMENT
DIRTY LANGUAGE Training
Sophie Westlake
DIRTY LANGUAGE FACILITATOR
FIGHT CLUB and Dirty Talk FACILITATOR Sophie
Westlake (ex page 3 model) will be hosting a Dirty Talk training...
Learn how to discover the inner metaphors for Seductive language
and impregnate your friends with new symbolic representations
including "The Finger" metaphor for self assertion.
Astonish colleagues with The latest technology to hit the planet.
Become a Talk Dirty trainer in just one weekend making new friends
while doing so!
APRIL
1st NEWS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FIGHT CLUB!!!
Man writes longest
ever post on newsgroup!
The votes are finally in for the longest post
ever written by an NLPer online and the winner is Miguel Perrier
who managed to create a post of such verbosity that the judges
are still reading it at this very moment! Little is known about
Miguel except he describes himself as "the mentor of the
NLP community" although at times has due to a severe case
of insomnia strayed into posting on other newsgroups including
the "equal gay rights for kittens" newsgroup. It has
been suggested by some who are less kind that his verbosity
is a side effect of current medication, but this writer instead
chooses to consider that this behaviour is mostly due to living
overseas and long periods of isolation except for his local
radio broadcasts to his faithful followers.
'Miguel types away'
We ask you to send good vibes to Miguel as he
recovers from R.S.I.
(Miguel Perrier
is in no way connected to the brand of the same name).
Site owner jailed for making threats
about sending computer virus!
'protecting your computer against CTDs'
Little can be said at this point for legal
reasons, but a well known website owner has been caught threatening
others by sending a computer virus to their machines while also
bragging about his technical prowess and capability. The appropriate
authorities are investigating and we will keep you notified
of forthcoming developments.
Tobias Westlake confirms he is not gay nor
transexual.
'Tobias loves his twinkies'
During a recent engagement Tobias once again
clarified that he is in fact "bisexual and not gay!"
His longstanding partners Anna and Chris also testified to this
statement and are currently on holiday together in Dorset. It
is not known whether all three parties are staying in the same
hotel. His publicist Chaz Farley protested that the media was
conducting a witch hunt and threatened legal action if such
claims were made in the future. However he did confirm that
his favourite cake were the British variety of twinkies and
that he is a cash addict.
NLP Trainer ate my spider!
You heard it here first on NLP Fight Club (the
genuine Fight Club) that recently in Croydon Surrey an NLP trainer
ate a delegate's pet spider while demonstrating his version
of the fast phobia cure. The delegate in question who cannot
be named for legal reasons has enlisted the PONLP
legal team in an attempt to gain appropriate compensation. The
trainer in question has subsequently travelled to more distant
shores under an alias promising free training for anyone who
will listen in an attempt to resurrect his profile. Alas the
spider was less fortunate and has
since been given the appropriate send off.
3 killed, 4 injured in London fire
walk, delegates sue for refund
'run, run you crazy woman'
Tragedy occurred during a recent fire walk
for charity when 3 delegates were killed and 4 injured. This
occurred when one participant shouted out "white hot moss"
by mistake having not heard the correct instruction, causing
mass panic. Fortunately a team of TFTers were on
hand to calm the distressed delegates and in future all participants
will undergo hearing tests to avoid similar occurrences. The
trainer who cannot be named for legal reasons has agreed to
pay all profits from the event to the local hospital burns unit.
However one TFTer got quite carried away and thought he'd use
a hammer.
NLP Practitioner successfully cures man thought
to have been clinically dead for 3 days
'And on the 6th Day, Abdulla Forsight...'
Abdullla Forsight has been reported in the
local Birmingham press as successfully bringing a man thought
to be clinically dead back to life using a combination of chanting
and NLP. Abdulla would not confirm or deny whether he had Shamanistic
powers, but did give a brief statement
saying "Brian was brought back into the light through the
power of positive thought."
Abdulla will be presenting a workshop entitled
"Not yet dead and buried" in the local village hall
in Chepstow where he will be unveiling his unique new approach
to eager students.
December 2006
NLP PUPPET SHOW
®©™ 2007 goes on the road
We are pleased to finally announce that Master
Pupeteers Kieron Lines and Katie T's "NLP Puppet Show®©™"
will be touring Europe in 2007. The entire origins of NLP will
be reinacted over a 5 hour showing. Kieron and Katie are experienced
Puppeteers having been coached extensively by Paul Morris in
the UK. Kieron and Katie were chosen from a cast of thousands
from the 2005 Puppet Idol in the USA! More details will be released
in due course!
The two K's are now planning a range of NLP®©™
or NEURO LINGUISTIC PUPPET®©™ trainings. These
include the NEURO LINGUISTIC PUPPETEER®©™ and
NEURO LINGUISTIC PUPPET MASTER®©™. Also in the
pipeline is MAKING 8 FIGURES THE NLP®©™ WAY WITH
PUPPET SHOWS.
November 2006
NEW ACCELERATED
TRAINING
You will have noticed that in recent months this site has been
quiet and the reason for this is that we have been working behind
the scenes to develop a new accelarated training and brand new
certificate.
Only three of these certificates will be issued
worldwide. This is the
King of
Kings
Therapeutic Mega Master ®©™
Learn how to present a complete accelerated
training in just 25 minutes. Discover Tobias's latest approaches
to change Break steel bars with the mere touch of your hands
Learn the power of "the psychic hug" to heal your
clients Master the secrets of the ancient healers Turn water
into wine effrtlessley without hesitation. This has been said
by some to be the equivilant of 20 years experience in clinical
practice! This course will give you unbelievable marketability
- thats right truly UNBELIEVABLE!
Watch out for
our next certifications
- The Prodigy of Erikkson-Guruji®©™
- Witchette Status®©™
COPYRIGHT ISSUES:
100% ORIGINAL & BEST
We have noticed that a recent failing newsgroup
has latched onto using the NLP Fight Club ®©™brand
in a desperate attempt to boost flagging interest. Tobias is
personally and psychically directing his influence in the direction
of these unfortunate individuals and more news will appear soon
through the usual channels. Remember the words 'all the rest
are just imitating'!. Look for the 100% symbol above to check
if your fight club is real. Take the FIGHT
CLUB®©™ challenge.
July 3rd 2006
From the Global Dominion of IFNLP Dictator
Tobias Westlake:
June 30th 2006
Whilst Anna and I were summering in the Portugese
highlands... we heard such angelic voices. We walked through
a dangerous bush and found to our surprise the Carol singing
pygmies (they prefer Da Carol Singin Pygmyz). We thought this
will add a sense of eclecticness to our flight club events so
we asked them to tour. Dates will be emailed to members... so
we present to Fight Club as a gift for your submission... we
asked them to sing Silent Night... it made us crywith joy
April 30th 2006
Throughout the month of May James Westlake
III, Paul Morris and other valiant followers will be assisting
me in fundraising throughout major world cities in order to
generate income for the first NLP Fight Club national television
campaign. We are currently auditioning for NLP Fight Club members
to become the public face for this advert and preference will
be given to those who have already formally signed up for membership.
"I am supremely confident that if an advert
is targeted towards health and fitness channels etc it could
be a huge success and of benefit to NLP Fight Club members worldwide.
I have personally taken time from my busy schedule to join other
online newsgroup facilities to promote this excellent opportunity.
I welcome both financial contributions as well as inspirational
poetry in helping to promote this exciting new venture!"
Tobias
Westlake
April 23rd 2006
"I am stopping in between my very busy
international workshop schedule to thank the thousands who have
subscribed to NLP Fight Club and taken up our unique offer.
My Ring Leaders will be making special appearances in forthcoming
weeks in cities worldwide to promote NLP Fight Club events"
Tobias
Westlake
April 16th 2006
Dear Fellow NLPers
It has been brought to my attention that a
number of other individuals are laying claim to the unique creation
of NLP Fight Club which was created by myself and Anna and supported
by my assistants Paul Morris, James 3rd and others. On this
Holy Day I urge NLPers from all schools to unite in the spirit
of NLP Fight Club and share in this one vision. Soon we will
be selecting the candidates for NLP Fightmania and I welcome
all those candidates who agree to the rules of NLP Fight Club
to submit their applications to this site for consideration.
I am flattered that other sites have chosen
to imitate the style of the NLP Fight Club and have been gracious
enough to have avoided using the traditional NLP Fight Club
colours as a mark of espect to myself and my dedicated followers.
Remember "Reach for the Stars with NLP"
Tobias
Westlake
April 1st 2006
Friends, fellow fighters, NLP practitioners
and trainers, lend me your ears; I come not to bury the old
traditons of NLP, nor to praise them.
The good that men do in the name of NLP Fight
Club lives after them; And that good is often not truly seen
by others;
The first step to this new future is to welcome
all NLPers across this planet and other galaxies to share in
my one vision. And to accept the free gift which I now bestow
with true humility for those who join me at NLP Fight Club in
creating a place where we are all free from censorship, moderation
and other uneccessary contraints.
I urge you to rise up, caste off the shackles
of old patterns of behaviour and seek out the greater mastery
that comes from engaging in the spirit of NLP Fight Club!
Yours Sincerely
Tobias
Westlake
Featured Fight Club Member Profile: Gareth John Wallace
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Gareth John
Wallace is a longstanding student of Tobias Westlake and
is considered to be one of the rising stars of NLP Fight
Club. When not engaging in Fight Club activities he can
usually be found attending to one of his part time positions
with either the local supermarket or local post office.
Prior to joining NLP Fight Club he had a longstanding anxiety
about appearing in any public venue and conducted most of
his communications via his mobile phone. |
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